How to Stay Polite in English Even Under Pressure

#1. How can I stay polite in English when I’m stressed or under time pressure?

What is happening in your brain when you are stressed and under time pressure? Your body produces hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which can lead to mental blocks.  That means your working memory forgets sentences and words, or sentences appear impolite. 

When you notice that you are getting stressed in a conversation, for example, try not to reply immediately. Wait for a short moment and reflect on the situation before you answer. That way, you calm down, and you even buy time because you don't need to explain an impolite reply or misunderstanding.

While you're pausing, you can try another strategy that helps a lot of my clients:

Stop and think about the outcome or consequences of what you say next if you are:

1. a) stressed and a little impolite
2. b) less stressed and able to make a better connection, sound warmer and more friendly, less direct and more confident.

Imagine you are troubleshooting on the telephone. For some reason, your conversation partner has a problem that makes you feel insecure because you are not sure how to handle it. You try to help, but you are not very convincing, and all your actions run into a void.

Instead of carrying on that way, you could say:

"I am so sorry, but I need to check my records for the solution to your problem. Could I call you back as soon as I find the right solution?"

That way, your conversation partner understands your situation, knows your next steps, and that you are going to help him immediately.

You might notice that staying polite under pressure is not only about finding the right words – it’s about understanding your own communication patterns.
If you’d like to find out how you personally react in demanding situations, you can take my short Business Communication Check here.
It gives you a first impression of your strengths and potential blind spots in English communication.

#2. What phrases help me stay professional when I feel frustrated?

Let me get back to my example with troubleshooting on the phone.

It's certainly frustrating when you can't help your conversation partner immediately. But many clients will actually be pleased to see that you're going to take the time to figure things out in more detail, or that you're concerned enough to do some more digging.

You should keep in mind that it is not the other person's fault that you feel frustrated. Because you are doing your job, you should be able to deal with angry callers.

Here phrases like:

• I understand what you mean,
• I understand the situation you are in/ your problem
• I'll make sure I help you immediately
• Together, we'll find a solution to your problem
• I'm sorry about that.
• I'm afraid there seems to be a problem.

These sentences help you show empathy for your conversation partner's situation and calm them.

I know that showing empathy is not always easy when you are frustrated, especially when you are speaking another language. You need a great deal of discipline and professionalism.

If you need more help with telephone calls in English, I also recommend my blog post:  Confident calls – even in English.

#3. How do I avoid sounding rude if I have to be very direct?

When you wonder about this, ask yourself whether you really have to be very direct or very clear in the first place. Because it is a cultural issue to be very direct, in other words. It is something that exists in your mindset, and you haven't learned how to express yourself similarly in a culture that reads between the lines.

For example, let's say you're collaborating with a business partner on a project and they make a mistake. You could say:

"Thank you for your great work, but there could be one or two improvements on the outcome. Do you know what I mean?"

You are still expressing the same meaning, like:" You have made a mistake", just in a less direct communication style.

Other ways of hinting that things went wrong are:

• You might want to deal with this issue one more time.
• Could you give me a little more time?
• Could we go over paragraph 2 of the contract again?

Sentences like "There is a mistake" sound provoking and rude. It is not considered professional to use such expressions.

In other words, it is ideal to avoid directness by all means and use modals like could, would, should, may, need, ought to, to make direct sentences more digestible. I also discuss this issue in my post: “Too direct? How to sound polite in business communication.”

Here I give some more ideas and tips on how to make direct language more polite in business.

Key Takeaway

Remaining polite and professional in stressful situations or under pressure might be challenging.

• Our brain reacts with hormones like adrenaline and cortisol in stressful situations.
• It is essential to calm down and reflect before you answer directly and emotionally under pressure.
• When you are frustrated, it can be highly challenging to express yourself politely in a language that is not your mother tongue. Therefore, show empathy for the other person and understand their situation. It can also help you reduce your frustration.

When you need to be very direct, consider whether this is really appropriate in another culture and check their communication style.

Don't be afraid to ask for help and schedule a free initial conversation here.

Together, we’ll explore how you can communicate more confidently, clearly and professionally in English – even under pressure.

If you’d like to understand your own communication style even better, especially in stressful or high-stakes situations, feel free to take my Business Communication Check.